


I Want To Tell You But I Can't

by ValkerieRupert



Series: Autistic Steven Universe Headcanons [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Pearl (Steven Universe), DO NOT READ THIS BEFORE WATCHING SEASON 5 EPISODE 18, F/F, Gen, ITS A REVEAL THAT CHANGES THE ENTIRE SERIES, NO SERIOUSLY MAAAJOR SPOILERS, Nonverbal Communication, Partially nonverbal, Partially nonverbal Pearl (Steven Universe), Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 23:16:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14579769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkerieRupert/pseuds/ValkerieRupert
Summary: She wanted to tell somebody. She wanted to tell somebody so badly. She needed to tell somebody. And yet every time she was about to say the words, her voice left her and she found her hands covering her mouth.





	I Want To Tell You But I Can't

**Author's Note:**

> For those who can't read the tags: Steven Unvierse Season 5 Episode 18 came out fairly recently and has a MAJOR plot reveal, and it's only briefly mentioned here but you'll still be severely spoiled, so don't read this until you've watched the episode (unless you don't intend on watching it and/or already have been spoiled)

She wanted to tell someone.

For thousands of years she wanted to tell someone. She wanted to tell someone so badly- to get it off her chest, to give the other Crystal Gems closure, to apologize for causing the Corruption, to comfort Steven in the fact that his mother wasn't a war criminal- but Rose had told her not to.

She didn't know why that was stopping her. For thousands of years, she had known that Rose would most likely be fine with telling Garnet, if they talked about it beforehand. Sure, she might get upset if Pearl told her without asking first, but they just had to talk about it for a few seconds. A quick question- no, a request. _Rose, I think we should tell Garnet the truth about Pink Diamond. What do you think?_ She practiced the words in her head so many times. She said them aloud, when she was confident nobody would hear her. But every time she would gather up the courage to finally talk to Rose, her words would fail her and her hands would find their way to her mouth.

She tried to tell Garnet. She knew going behind Rose's back was wrong, but this was the only way she would be able to tell anyone, and Rose wouldn't be too angry. But once again, she would say, "Garnet, I need to tell you something." and that would be as far as she would get.

When Rose was dead, she tried to tell Steven, she really tried. The poor boy was rethinking everything and doubting his mother. Pearl wanted so desperately to tell him he was wrong, that Rose was wonderful, that Pink Diamond was never shattered, that Rose _was_ Pink Diamond, but she couldn't.

So she found another way. She didn't like having to send Steven into her gem and force him to see her traumatic memories, but allowing Steven to tell the others was the only way she could get if off her chest.

She hated when she wanted to say something but she couldn't, but it happened. She was partially nonverbal, and she always would be. That was just a fact.

But it wasn't all bad. At least she wasn't on Homeworld, being ordered by a Diamond to say something that she simply couldn't say. Rose had saved her from that fate. And eventually she had found a way. Verbal communication isn't the only kind of communication. She found a way to tell Steven even though she couldn't verbally say it. And now if she ever goes nonverbal like that again, she'll know what to do.


End file.
